Where Has All the Fun Gone?

In about a week, I will be 31 years of age. I know, I don't look a day over 27, right? What's troubling me is how responsible I've become. I don't know when it happened. Perhaps sometime between age 29 and now, I've learned my lessons and have found a proper way to live my life. Good, you say?! Yes, good, but BORING. I am bored out of my mind. Living the "good" way is not as much fun as the manic and erratic lifestyle I'm used to.



I distinctly remember sitting on my couch when I lived in Washington DC saying, "I can't imagine ever not going out on a Friday or Saturday night!" My how times have changed. I still really like to go out, but I'm lacking in partners in crime, plus the hangovers nowadays are nothing to mess with. Not to mention how long it takes to get ready and figure out logistics. It is actually a lot easier to forgo the fun and just stay in. Even on the rare occasions when I do go out I usually go home BEFORE the bar closes. What's up with that? NOTE: As I write this "old me" is turning over in her "grave".



The other stupid responsible thing I've been doing is keeping track of how much money is in my account. I know that's something I'm supposed to do, but I used to just fly by the seat of my pants and hope there was enough money. It wasn't fun, but at least it kept things interesting. Now, I check my balance and if I don't have money, I don't spend money. Totally boring.



I'm in desperate need of something to shake things up in my life...or I might end up getting a tattoo. It'll probably something responsible if I do, like "A bird in the hand..." or whatever that saying is.

Pants Optional

Not to get all Jerry Seinfeld on you ass, but "What's will all of the people not wearing pants?" First it was Madonna on her Stick and Sweet Tour (gross title by the way)... http://www.stuff.co.nz/images/750849.jpg
Then Beyonce and Justin Timberlake (Beyonce really wore that while performing - by herself)... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5qx-MVrXfk
...and then the illustrious Lady Gaga (I've seen this in person)http://www.angelawieland.com/images/portraits/portraits-14a-lady-gaga.jpg

When did pants become optional? I understand, you know, swimsuits....but other than that, I'm not sure I find this trend appropriate. Would you show up to a bar, club, Target or work without pants? Now they need to change the signs to say: "No shirt, no shoes, no pants, no service".

Who Says Costumes are Fun?

Halloween has been a real nightmare for me this year. William is at such an "inbetween" age. At first he wanted to be something from Star Wars, but I vetoed that because that's not cute. Then he wanted to be a pirate. Well all of the pirate costumes are really cheap looking and thin and stupid. So we settled on a dinosaur. After unsuccessfully bidding on eBay for several dinosaur costumes, we went back to the Internet for ideas. You'd be surprised the costumes they have out there for little boys. To name a few:

Soul Taker
Dementor
Death Scream
Axe Murderer
Gladiator of Doom
Sailor of Death
Jack the Ripper
Death Eater
Captain Sea Plague
Corpse Klown (sic)
Lord Dark Skull
and my favorite....
Child Pimp

A pimp. Seriously? What's he going to say when he goes to some one's door "Yo, trick, where's my treat?"

Needless to say, William will be none of the above. Stay posted...we may have agreed on a costume concept that fulfills both of our requirements!

Who Wants Balls

As I'm driving down the road, I see a truck with a pair of "balls" hanging from the hitch.  I've seen this before, but this time I had my camera.  You might think this is common in Iowa, but it isn't.  And before you think, "Oh, this guy's kind of funny," I have to tell you the rest of the story.  So as drive past in an effort to take the picture, I notice this dickwad has a confederate flag attached (probably stapled) to the roof of his truck.  Then, I noticed the license plate holder had a confederate flag on it.  What year is it?  People are idiots...here's your proof.

More Shows

I remembered that I also watch the following:

Tuesday
Law & Order SVU

Wednesday
Lipstick Jungle
Dirty Sexy Money
Pushing Daisies

Let's Talk TV

I love fall. Not only is the weather unbelievable, but it ushers in the new TV season. If you know me, you know that TV is possibly my only "hobby" and that I should be paid for watching it. My friend Mere asked me what I was watching and I proceeded to give her this list:

Monday
Gossip Girl
Heroes
Prison Break
Boston Legal
Plus...Lost reruns are on the SciFi channel

Tuesday
90210
Dancing With The Stars
Biggest Loser

Wednesday
Project Runway
America's Next Top Model

Thursday
Ugly Betty
Survivor
Grey's Anatomy
The Office
ER

Friday
The Game

Saturday
I catch up on all of the stuff I've recorded

Sunday
The Amazing Race
Desperate Housewives
Brothers and Sisters
Army Wives
Dexter
Entourage

I'm sure that I have other things recorded on Wednesdays, but I can't even remember! Not to mention, BET runs re-runs of The Wire everynight of the week, which I record.

This TV lineup is exhausting. I couldn't even pick up any new shows!

I know some people (or one person in particular) will say that their lives are too exciting and they don't need to watch or discuss TV, but since I am a single mother, we spend a fair amount of time at home. Once homework, dinner, bath, and snuggling are done, I can't just leave, so I'm at home, watching TV. I wouldn't change it for the world!

I'm Right!

I'm not the only one that feels that some classes on "real life" may have been useful, granted my previous post was about cooking, but I think the broader point is that we should be better prepared for real life.
1) On Oprah, Mark Consuelos and Alli Wentworth, while discussing the economy, made that point that maybe a "money" class may be more useful than say, Algebra or Trig.
2) Our economy is in the shitter right now, because far too many people didn't know what they were doing with their money, according to the President of the United States (take it with a grain of salt, but there's evidence to back it up)

My friend Joanne and I suggest that there be a required course, maybe a year or two after graduating from college, where you have to go back and learn about mortgages, insurance, 401K, and all the other adult stuff. It's really hard to care about it until it matters to you, so learning it while you're in school, with no real-life experience probably won't help. But at least some curriculum in school about budgeting, balancing your checkbook, etc. would be a start. I know more than one person who fell prey to the offer of a free t-shirt to apply for a credit card, and years down the road are still trying to dig out.

Home Economics....Not a Waste of Time

If memory serves, I was not allowed to take Home Ec. class in high school because it was just a "filler" and wasn't really necessary. Well, fast forward to 30-year-old single mother me, and I think it might have been a little more useful than chorus.

In a feeble attempt to make homemade pizza the other night (in order to save money), I made a sort of, semi-edible, pizza that my son would NOT eat. The first problem: it said to spread the dough with floured fingers. After figuring out what that meant, I realized I do not own flour (why would I, I have NEVER made anything from scratch). Second problem: the pan was supposed to be greased. My question is, with what? I sprayed a little PAM and that seemed to do the trick. Problem three: it said to put a cup of sauce. Well, that was way too much. Every bite of pizza squirted out piping hot sauce. Last problem: I got distracted watching TV and didn't hear the oven beeper going off, so the cheese was totally burnt and crusted over. So when William wouldn't eat it, I said, "I'm sorry I screw everything up!" and instead of saying something like, "No you don't mom!" he said, "That's OK" and walked away with his replacement dinner, a plate of flat turkey (sandwich turkey as opposed to pieces of a whole turkey- 'cause we eat that so often (not) that we have to distinguish the two types of turkey).

Earlier the same morning, I had attempted pancakes. William suggested I not try pancakes again.

The point is, maybe I would have benefited from Home Ec. Perhaps learning how to sew a button or make pancakes would not have been a waste of my time. I'm sure they learned other things in that class, like how to balance a check book or do laundry. I've learned all of these things from the "School of Hard Knocks" which has one hell of a grading curve.

I Know, I Deserve It

On a recent trip to the quad cities, I received a speeding ticket for going 70 in a 55 (he knocked it down from 80). In my defense, I didn't know what the speed limit was and I thought I was lost. I was not paying attention, at all, to how fast I was going. Being that I make it a rule to 15 over the speed limit, I was not mad about the ticket. I'm sure I've deserved every ticket I've gotten and haven't gotten. I've been pulled over so many times, too numerous to count, it was bound to happen. And, I got off easy. 80 in a 55 is totally unacceptable and I could have had some serious restrictions on my license.

All that being said....I'm not sure I really deserved the ticket. I mean, earlier in the day, I was going 5 mph due to a wide load that covered both lanes. Later that day, I was going 15 in a 25. Couldn't we just average out our speed?

And another thing. I'm a law abiding, tax paying citizen. I don't do drugs, steal, drunk drive, or do anything illegal. Couldn't I just get a pass? I mean, really?

I'll pay my ticket, and go on about my merry day. But, none the less, it sucks.

Oh, and later in the day I fell. In a parking lot. No one around.

MIA

Sorry, it's been a really long time since I've posted anything. I haven't felt creative, I haven't felt like writing, and nothing too interesting has happened. Sorry.


How I Know I've Gotten Old...
Since I turned 30 - there have been a lot of signs that I'm getting-on in years. I remember being in college and thinking "I can't imagine just staying home on a Saturday night, that would suck!" Well, college me was right. But current me can't seem to muster the energy to drink all night long anymore, so what's the point of going out? Most people make that "not going out" change when they get married. Not me, I've made it because I simply don't want to any more. I wish college me would have warned future me that this would happen.

On my recent vacation to Arizona to one of my best friend's weddings, my girlfriends and I dedicated more time discussing bowel movements than men. Times have changed.

But, the kicker, when my son was gone to my sister's house for a week, did I go out every night? Nope I went to the movies (twice) with my boss and my mom. And I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Back Off--He's MY Man

I am sooooooooooooo in love with James Clement, first of Survivor China and now Survivor Micronesia:
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor15/survivors/james.shtm

There are several reasons I love him:

1. When William first saw him, he said, "I think that's the strongest man I've EVER seen!"
2. He's so level headed! If you've ever watch the show, he is a voice of reason and doesn't play games.
3. The other night when William and I were going over his spelling words, I told him to spell 'kissing' and he said, "Wait....mama and James sitting in a tree..." Out of the mouths of babes, I say!!
4. I haven't had the best luck finding honest, good men, and CBS has already done an extensive background check on James. If he's been in trouble, I'd know about it.

For all of these reasons, you, my friends, need to help me find James. I'm sure he has a MySpace or something (but I don't).

The Simon Cowell of Our Family

Do you ever notice on American Idol how when Simon says something negative, most of the time, people are like "Well, that's your opinion!" or the crowd boo's him? But, when he says something positive, they all take it to heart? That's because he doesn't compliment people unnecessarily and he means what he says (unlike crazy Paula - who isn't as crazy as I'd like her to be this season). To me, if you're going to bask in the good, you've got to accept the negative as well. Even though we'd all like to live in the good and ignore the negative, that's just not the way it works.

I'd say my dad is the Simon Cowell of our family. He's pleasant, funny, and usually fun to be around. But he's not going to blow smoke up your ass or tell you everything is rainbows and butterflies. When he says something, he means it. So, when he told me the other night that he's impressed by the way I keep in touch with my old friends, it meant something. He doesn't compliment me often, so I'll take it where I can get it!

Do you have a "Simon Cowell" in your life? I'm sure you do.

Lazy Saturday

For as long as I can remember, I've loved Lazy Saturday/Sunday. For those of you not familiar with this concept, it involves laying in bed and watching TV...all...day and ordering food in. In college we used to rent several movies (such as all movies starring James Spader) or we'd watch animal shows (one on sea horses sticks out in my memory). Once my son was born, forget about it. I was way too busy taking care of him all day. And even as a 30-year-old adult, it's a little harder to find time for a day like this, let alone justify it. This past weekend, however, I found a way to justify it financially (one of my strengths is justifying my behavior):

-I completely save electricity. I like to spend my Lazy Saturday in the dark cove that is my bedroom. No lights, just the glow of the TV. If I'm not cleaning (which uses electricity), I'm saving myself some coin.
-You can't shower on Lazy Saturday (it's in the rules) so again, I'm saving money with the water and electricity, but I'm also saving money because there are only so many places you can go if you haven't showered (meaning the drive thru).
-This past weekend, we had to run to the mall for a couple things. You know how that goes, so we ended up spending way too much money. So, if I stay in bed all day, I won't spend money frivolously.

As if I haven't given enough reasons, I can justify it several other ways:
-I'm teaching my son to be independent and play on his own. When I have a Lazy Saturday coma, he goes to his play room and spends the whole day just playing away. He comes to get me when he needs something to eat or anything important, but other than that, he fends for himself.
-I learn ALOT on Lazy Saturday. Last Lazy Saturday, I watched the HBO miniseries John Adams. If you haven't seen this, it's awesome. It's a history lesson on TV. I've always maintained that TV is educational and an all around great way to get information, Planet Earth on Discovery teaches you about, you guessed it, the earth. Top Chef teaches you about food you don't know how to cook and probably wouldn't like to eat. Rock of Love teaches you about STD's. Need I say more?

If you're not already convinced, try it some time. Some of you don't have the patience to do it, and that's OK. I've found it hard to just sit there, but in the end, you'll find it's worth it.

Guess Who's My Favorite Person on Earth...

My son! He is sooooo funny; last night when we went to Applebees for our Valentine's Eve dinner (yes, it's not just Christmas and New Year's...according to William, every holiday has an Eve), we ordered mozzerella sticks for an appetizer. Then, when we placed our entre order, William ordered mac & cheese and told the waitress "That's a lot of cheese for a guy who's lactose intolerent!" While the waitress didn't bat an eye, I thought it was hilarious that a six-year-old can deliver a line like that!



Again, spell check isn't working. Forgive me!

Meet My Mini-Me

My son is approacing the 7-year mark. He is, as they say, the apple of my eye. The last two years, maybe even the last year, have been the best yet. Not just because he's soooooo much more self sufficient, but because we truly "get" eachother. So I'd like to give you a list of a few of the reasons my son is my favorite person on earth:

• The other day in the car I said something and his response was "True That"
• Our usual "What do you want for dinner" conversation usually goes like this: Me "What do you want for dinner?" Him "Well, I know you don't want to cook, so..."
• As we were walking into Target the other day he says "How come things opposites are always two words....like the opposite of down is up and the opposite of yes is no?" I didn't have an answer to his question, but I really liked it.
• Ever since we set-up our PS2 and started playing Star Wars Legos, he says "I wonder what Star Wars Legos has in store for us tonight!!"

The fact that I really enjoy his company kind of caught me off guard, but it shouldn't, he's exactly like me. But when I was out with my friends this past weekend, I wished William could be there (figuratively) to join in on the fun! And that's when it hit me...he's the best thing that ever happened to me and as much as I feel like I need a break from him, I'm totally smitten and there's no one I'd rather spend my time with. Who knew?

P.S. The spell check doesn't seem to be working and I don't really like to re-read my stuff, so sorry for any spelling errors.

Yes We Can

I've taken a little bit of flack for switching my party affiliation in order to vote in the Iowa caucus. My candidate of choice? Barack Obama.

For my entire life, I have been a staunch republican, but this year, I couldn't get behind a single republican candidate. If you had ever told me I'd be supporting a democratic candidate for our Commander in Chief, I would had thought you were beyond Britney crazy, however, my life is not what it once was. I'm in a different tax bracket then I expected, I'm a single mother of an "At-Risk" child, I struggle to find affordable healthcare for my child, and although I don't personally rely on public aid, I see the need for it, despite the broken system.

Mostly Barack makes a kick-ass video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjXyqcx-mYY


Jokes aside, I was moved by the video. Propaganda or not.

Hell Has Frozen Over

I live in Iowa. Yesterday it was 50 degrees and I was wearing sandals. Today, it is 4 degrees and the wind chill is -30 degrees. Do you think there's something wrong with this picture?

I wish Al Gore had never invented Global Warming (but I'm glad he invented the Internet)!

Vampires, Shmampires

Last night, in a last ditch attempt to avoid sleeping in his own bed, William came into my room at 9:50 and said "I just want to tell you..." (I'm thinking he wants to tell me he loves me, but no) "...that I've kind of started believing in vampires." I'm not that nice of a mom, because I wasn't like "Oh, no, sweetie, vampires aren't real." I said "Get out of my room. Vampires don't exist. If they did, I'd protect you from them. Get out."

What do you think he was thinking about this morning when he asked me "Why do you always wear black?" He probably thinks I'm a vampire. He'll soon be starring in his own Disney Channel movie My Mom's a Vampire.

It's Been A While

Sorry it's been soooooo long since I've posted.  I suppose I got wrapped up in the holidays and my busy little existence.  Here's what's been happening since we last met:

Hi, My Name's William, and I'm Psychic

My soon-to-be seven-year-old son informed me recently that he is psychic.  He did not use those words, but he told me that in fact he dreams stuff, and the next day it happens.  That's what I call psychic!  I had NO idea my son had such a gift.  I will be supportive of said gift until he comes up with a better one.  Last night, I asked him how the dreams were going, what was going to happen, etc., and he informed me that it's very difficult to  have dreams about the future when you have a cold.  Very true.  

We've Had  Game Named After Us!!!!

My friend's sweet little two-year-old boy likes to play a game called Rebecca and William.  And it does not include one yelling obscenities at the other, interestingly enough.  So, my friend and her two-year-old play Rebecca and William, doing various tasks.  I have been forever immortalized!  I have never been happier!

I Turned 30

Well, the world didn't end when I turned 30.  The world barely even noticed.  I have lovely friends, all of whom called me and/or sent cards.  I've learned a few things in my short time on this earth and I'd like to wax a little philosophy on you:

• I cannot read anyone's mind, nor should I expect people to read mine (except for my psychic son)
• I do not hold people to a higher standard than I hold myself (for instance, if I don't return phone calls, I shouldn't expect others to return mine)

So I guess that's what I know about life to this point.  I thought there'd be more, but when people are talking to me constantly while I'm writing this blog, it's hard to remember stuff.

That's all for now.  Once people leave me alone, I'll be able to write more.