Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Illegitmate, Schmillegitimate

My co-worker was telling me she reads this blog http://www.parentdish.com/bloggers/kristin-darguzas/. Now, she's been reading it for a while, and considering it's on a site called Parent Dish, I didn't feel like it was a site for me. Then, one day she told me that this Kristin is a single mama (or unmarried mother) such as myself. I'm now addicted. However, I wondered why I thought the site didn't apply to me. I'm a parent, I like to dish. But I know why. Because these sites are filled with "My husband didn't help change the baby's diaper" and "We're wondering what the best preschool is for our 2-month-old". I have a different set of circumstances such as, do I pay the electric bill or the daycare, why can't my son catch a football, and how am I going to raise my son all by myself.

This divide between regular parents and single parents starts at the very beginning. When I found out I was pregnant there were no books out there titled "Oh Shit, You're Knocked Up" only "What To Expect When You're Expecting" and the like. I remember reading these books and thinking, "this really doesn't apply to me", but I read them anyway, because that's what was available.

When children are born out of wedlock, they are, by definition, illegitimate. Meaning, not legitimate. Now that's not a very nice way of describing my child. Because he has only one participating parent, does that make him less legitimate than other children...according to society, yes.

So I did a little research:

-According to Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2003, released by the U.S. Census Bureau in July, 2006, there are approximately 14 million single parents in the United States today raising 21.6 million children.

-Single parents account for 27 percent of family households with children under 18. (US Census Bureau of Household and Family Statistics, 2000)
-More than two million fathers are the primary caregivers of children under 18, a 62 percent increase since 1990. (New York Times, May 20, 2001, Jane Fritsch)
-One in two children will live in a single-parent family at some point in childhood. (State of America’s Children Yearbook 2000, Children’s Defense Fund)
-One in three children is born to unmarried parents. (State of America’s Children Yearbook 2000, Children’s Defense Fund)
-Between 1978 and 1996, the number of babies born to unmarried women per year quadrupled from 500,000 to more than two million. (National Survey of America’s Families)
-The number of single mothers increased from three million to 10 million between 1970 and 2000. (US Census Bureau of Household and Family Statistics, 2000)

Now, that's a pretty large segment of the population. I'll admit, part of this feeling is my own defensiveness and hyper-sensitivity to my situation. But, recently, I've felt that society doesn't view me as a legitimate mother (which makes sense, because my son is not legitimate). But I am legitimate. My son has the same needs as your children, he does homework, he eats, he watches TV, he plays. Which means I do the same things all the rest of you mothers do, I help him with his homework, I cook (or buy) dinner, I watch TV while he watches TV, I play with him and remind him to clean up. Feels pretty legitimate to me. I'm both parents, it doesn't get more legitimate than that.

Parenthood is hard, no matter how many people are in the family. I've always recognized that. I don't think my friends have it easier because they have husbands, I know they still have it hard. I'm just tired of single (or unmarried) parents being the red-headed step-children (not to offend red-heads or step-children) of the parenting world. My son is as legitimate as they come.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Early Thanksgiving

This weekend, I had the great pleasure of attending one of my best friend's 30th birthday party. As far as parties go, it was awesome!! We got to mini-bowl, drink beer, eat pizza, play games, watch the Isiserettes, and most importantly I got to hang out with my friends.

Most of my friends are from grade school, with a few more from high school. But the majority, I've known since 1st grade (one since birth). You get to know a person pretty well when you've known them that long and done that much with them. We're scattered throughout the state (and some in other states), but whenever we get together, it's like we've never missed a beat. I laughed harder than I've laughed in a long time.

So, on my drive home, I reflected on how fortunate I am to have that many friends who I absolutely adore. I feel very blessed. So, no jokes today, just smiles.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Have You Ever...

...gone to the mall with the specific purpose of getting a cookie (and that's it)?

...had a sunburn soooooo bad that when the skin peels you bleed?

...in one day: worked, gone to yoga, fed your child a home cooked meal, went to a boy scout meeting, helped your son with his homework, gave him a bath, vacuumed, went to your parents (who are out of town) to bring in their mail, take out their garbage and recycling, empty the de-humidifiers, and watched Survivor?



Guess what? I have!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Who Knew Spending Time in the Sun Can Burn Your Skin?

I spent Saturday at "Iowa's Super Bowl", the annual match-up between the University of Iowa and Iowa State University. I have no preference for either team...I just went to have a few drinks and enjoy time with my friends.

This required waking up at 5:00 am, drinking at 6:30 am, using the most disgusting Port-a-Potties I've EVER had the distinct pleasure of using, and wearing tennis shoes. Guess what happens when you wear tennis shoes...you don't fall!!! I figured I'd have between 1-5 injuries to report, however, not a single one! My friend Hannah knew we could have trouble and encouraged the tennis shoes (as opposed to the wedge boots) and also let me know when there was a curb or something I could potentially fall over. Thanks, Hannah!

However, the day was not without incident. With the temperature at about 65, I didn't figure I needed to wear sunscreen. I am stupid. My face and scalp are RED. But the kicker is, remember how I had no preference for either team, I was wearing an Iowa Hawkeyes tattoo on one cheek and an Iowa State Cyclones tattoo on the other cheek. Now I have white areas on my cheeks in those shapes. I look awesome. Not to mention the fact that my face is flaking everywhere. Gross.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Grossest Thing EVER

My friend Joanne who lives in Chicago just sent me an email saying that she was "waiting for the bus, standing under a tree, when a DEAD BIRD fell on her head, got stuck in the cowl neck of her new shirt, and then proceeded to slide down her back."

She's probably got the Bird Flu now.

That is officially the grossest thing that has ever happened to anyone I know.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

A Few Things on My Mind

*The British have such a better way of saying things than we do. For instance: "This is balderdash, complete and utter rubbish!" American translation, "Man, that's bullshit...what the fuck!" Some other British English phrases or words that are way better than American English.
nappy = diapers
rubbish bin = trash can
boot = trunk (car trunk that is)
Not to mention the fact that they sound more intelligent than we do.

*I saw a car today that had painted on the window "Pray for 9/11 familys". Nice sentiment, however, you misspelled families.

*Often times, when I'm driving, it feels like I'm the only one that has somewhere to be. Every one's taking their sweet time, driving their Buicks. I mean no harm to these people, but they need to get out of my way. Many drivers are very selfish. I'm very aware of who's around me and try to be as accommodating as possible.

*Do you have to have a strange name to be on the Real World? This year we have, Cohutta, Shavoun, Dunbar. In the past we've had Karamo, Kaia, Teck, Arissa, Alton, Irulan, Trishelle, Brynn, Flora, Elka, Montana, and Genesis. What happened to Norm, Kevin, Julie, Becky, Heather, Eric, and Andre? I guess people with strange names are more apt to be characters, thus being cast on reality television. That is my scientific opinion.

I feel a little better now.

Monday, September 10, 2007

I Have the Answer to All of Your Questions

And the answer is...I don't know the answer to that question.

My inquisitive 6 year-old asks a lot of questions. And I mean A LOT!! They mostly stem from TV...such as:
"Is the green-eyed tree frog the most ferocious frog in the jungle?"
"Are Pygmy Marmosets extinct?"
"What is a scenario?"
"Do they use Jelly Fish to make jelly?"

Just a few of the questions I was asked this weekend. I learned that you can't just say "I don't know" dismissively, because the questions keep coming. I learned to say, "I don't know the answer to that question." Works like a charm! Sometimes I do know the answer, but I don't feel like explaining what a scenario is. Pretty soon, he'll think I'm stupid and won't ask any more questions!

Thursday, September 6, 2007

My Poor Baby

As I'm examining my son's mosquito bites from the previous night's "lock out", I noticed a GI-NORMOUS bump on his head. I said "Is that a mosquito bite?" His response, "Yeah, I think so?" My response, "Did you fall or get hit today?" His response, "Well, yeah, I got hit with the metal door and I fell on the tile floor." My response, "I think you fall more that I do!"

His tone was sort of like 'all in a day's work, mom!'

Poor baby.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Cause You Had a Bad Day...

So, yesterday was going OK, until I picked my son up from school and asked him if he had any homework, no he didn't, but he told me he had a "Character Report" from school. He apparently pushed some girl down (his version of events is that they were pushing each other and she fell down--I believe it--I'd like to push this girl too). His punishment was no TV for the night and hot lunch for the following day (goulash=gross). He was just kind of hanging around the house, looking forlorn, like he just didn't know what to do. Not my problem, I'm certainly not going to reward him by playing something with him.


I was getting ready to watch the Justin Timberlake concert on HBO (which I have been waiting for for a VERY long time)...when my phone rings. It's my friend Shaun. It's the kind of conversation I can't have with little bored ears listening, so I go outside to talk on the phone. As I'm talking, William decides to come outside and play because he's SOOOOO bored. After I wrapped things up on the phone, it's time to go inside.....and.....wait for it.....the door is locked. I have an OLD door, the kind that just locks when you shut it. Back door, that's locked too, remember I was going to watch JT, I was secure in my home. Oh snap! Normally, my parent's would have the keys to my house, but remember, I changed the locks the other day--smart girl!!! I had a friend come get me, go to my parents, hoping they'd have the keys to my front door, but, no dice! I grabbed a phone book, called a locksmith and like an Angel of God, he arrived 15 minutes later!

Now, I haven't told you about my back porch. There seems to be some sort of rodent problem, shrews or something. There was a dead rodent on my porch from Wednesday to Monday because I'm deathly afraid of rodents and no one wanted the privilege of removing this thing. By Sunday, this thing stunk to high hell. Gross, gross, grosser. So I've opened the windows on the porch, sprayed Fabreeze, however, there's still a hint of dead rodent on the porch, which is where we waited while the locksmith tried to open the door, because, by now, it's dark and we are being eaten alive by mosquitoes.

I'm making small talk with the locksmith, saying, "We really need all of our stuff in the house, I can't go to work like this!" And my son pipes in, "Yeah, with no bra on!" Nice!

20 minutes and $45 later, we were back in our house! My date with Justin was back on, and oh, did Justin deliver! That's the only thing that could make that kind of day seem insignificant!