Things that happen to me...and not you

Featuring....ME!

2009-10-14T10:31:00.002-05:00

My wonderful friend Kelly Moore http://www.bykellymoore.com/ featured me in an article she wrote for GenerationIowa.com.

Take a gander if you like: http://www.generationiowa.com/articles/article_view.asp?idArticle=639

Luxury Vehicles Only, Please

2009-10-06T16:10:00.004-05:00

Did you ever date someone and when you broke up (or parted ways...or whatever) you constantly saw something that reminded you of that person? Did you then interpret that as a sign that perhaps you should be with that person, or at least call that person? Well I have. Sure, it's a little nutty, but whatever.

The guy that I think of as "the one who got away" drove a car that seems to be very popular in my area. And although he no longer lives here, I take every sighting as a sure sign that I should call him. That we are meant to be, and eventually it will all work out. Despite all evidence to the contrary.

So, from now on, I'm only dating men who drive luxury vehicles. While we have our fair share of luxury vehicles in Waterloo, IA., not nearly as many as a particular American brand. I figure when things go awry, as they always do, I won't have the constant reminder every time I drive around.

I think it's a good plan and I recommend it.

What Else?

2009-08-21T13:32:00.003-05:00

Our lazy Sunday started of with a bang. First, I figured as long as we were both up, we should probably try to make it to 11:00 mass. I get in the shower, do my thing, turn the shower off, when my hand held shower head falls, narrowly missing my foot. I put it back up, and tell Will to be careful when he is taking his shower. I should have known better. The poor little boy was painfully struck in the arm by the offending shower head. After soothing my poor angel, we were off to church and all was fine. While at church (during mass) my mom invited us over for dinner, which solved my least favorite question every day...."What's for dinner?"

At my parents' for dinner, I took my last bite of lasagna and tasted what I believed to be pork. I asked my mom and she said, "Oh, I forgot that you don't eat that." Yeah right. I could already feel my stomach churning. To repay her, I made off with her crazy glue.

At home, after getting a little sick, I decided to fix the shower head with the crazy glue. Except, you know what happens when you steal crazy glue from your parents? It's totally dried up and breaks in half when you squeeze it. Of course. I found some caulk and thought that might work, so I put it on and moved on to my next project.

Let me just tell you, my pear tree is the bane of my existence. I don't even like pears. However, it provides the only shade in my backyard, so it's staying. These damn pears fall everywhere and my dad was going to come over and mow the lawn the next day, so I had to pick up a weeks worth of fallen pears. Easy enough, sure, but if you take into account the five wasps on each pear, not to mention the swarm of flies, this is a difficult task. I was using gardening gloves, a child's rake and a child's shovel. I'm sure it was pretty amusing to any onlookers. Just as I've sprayed everything with Raid, I hear William yelling in the house, "Mom, the toilet's overflowing!" With Raid on my shoes, I run into the house to plunge William's handywork. Fortunately, it wasn't really overflowing, but it definitely needed a good plunging. I resumed my pear project and after about four bee stings, I kicked the remaining pears into the mulch and called it a day. But my house had other plans for me that night.

After a little rest, I went to wash my face and realized my bathroom sink was completely clogged. So, I went to remove the obstructions (hair), but no luck. I decide to be an adventurous homeowner and take apart the pipes underneath the sink. This sounds like a recipe for disaster, right!?! Actually, it went pretty well. I took all of the pipes apart, cleaned them out (all the while, still getting a little sick from my dinner) and put everything back together, with very little mess. I tell William to hit the water and it goes down....and then it comes back up. By now it's about 10:00 at night and I've had it. I did, however, keep it together. I called my dad, but he was already tucked in for the night, so I decided it would have to wait. We used the tub spout to wash our hands, but I just couldn't bring myself brush my teeth and spit it into the tub, so we filled up the sink a little more.

By this point, the bathroom rug was pretty gross, so I threw it in the washing machine. As I'm just about to fall asleep, I hear the loudest noise (ca-chunk, ca-chunk) from my basement. Apparently, if you have one item in the washer, it throws the thing off balance while it's spinning. Who knew? As it turns out, this problem remedies itself after a couple other loads (or at least I think it did).

By the time I wake up Monday, the sink has gone down a little, and I think we're good to go. My dad says he'll put some drain cleaner in it and try a couple other things (that he found on the Internet-I'm sure). Well, $107 later and two guys, two hours my drain was unclogged. Apparently, there was years and years worth of build up in my pipes (that's what she said), and this problem could not have been avoided. Oh, and I had to replace the shower head too.

Really, I think this is why I should get married. While I handled everything, it would have been much easier to pass it on to my husband so I could watch TV uninterrupted.

An Open Letter To Miley Cyrus (and her parents)...

2009-08-14T10:07:00.002-05:00

Ok, Miley. Your little pole dancing routine at the Teen Choice Awards, NOT COOL. You think you get a pass because your parents have had you paying their bills for a long time and won't to say no to their little money tree, but you don't get a pass. I don't have a little girl, so it really makes no difference to me, but I do have a young son and you have been banned in my house for a long time and always will be. Ever since your Vanity Fair photo shoot last year, I knew neither you nor your parents had sound decision making abilities. Pretty much every thing you do and wear is inappropriate for someone your age who is, God knows why, a role model for young girls.

While I get that you are young and make mistakes, you don't have the luxury of people forgetting about it. And that's too bad, but it's the price you pay for the money you make.

I'm not sure if you've ever heard of a few girls called Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, or Mischa Barton, but those girls are hot messes, and it appears to be where you're headed.

It's time for you to get it together and it's time for your parents to be your parents. Enough is enough, Billy Ray. You can sing your Achy Breaky Heart out and let your little girl be a little girl. One that doesn't writhe on stage, dance on poles, make fun of Asians, and do risque photo shoots. And if she does, maybe if she goes away for a while, no one will care.

My Happy Place

2009-08-13T14:14:00.007-05:00

The other day during a particularly trying day at work, images of Disney World kept flashing in my head. I mean, I could visually picture it. I wondered why this kept happening and then I realized, this is my Happy Place. It must be my mind's way of calming me down and saying "Look, you've had some good times too!" I like that when I think back to our trip to Disney World, I don't remember the lines, the extreme heat, the aching feet, the cost of it all, but I think of one of the happiest times of my life. Wow, who knew!

When you go with a guy like this....

How could it not be?

For the Birds

2009-07-29T15:23:00.002-05:00

Let me say for the record, I DO NOT LIKE BIRDS. They are gross, I do not find them cute, and their chirping is like nails on a chalk board to me. So, it's no surprise that birds have launched an all out assault on me and my house.

It started earlier this summer with a little bird poo here, a little bird poo there. Now it's as if they've cased my patio, finding out where I like to sit, and poo exclusively on my chaise lounge, which is pretty much the only place to sit on my patio. They also once targeted my garbage can because, of course, the chair wasn't enough. They're sneaky little bastards. It's not like it happens once a week. It happens every single day. I clean it, they poo again. I even put a towel down one night, because I was too lazy to clean it, and the next day they pooed on the towel.

Then, I was in my basement doing laundry, minding my own business, when I hear little scratches and a chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp....a bird was in the exhaust pipe from my hot water heater to my chimney. This happened once before, and I didn't take it personally, but now I do. I'm not into killing animals, but there's really no way to get the stupid bird out without letting it loose in my basement, so this intruder sealed his fate when he entered my premises uninvited. So the only option is to crank up the hot water and the exhaust kills the bird. He's still sitting dead in the pipe waiting for my dad to return from his 900th vacation this summer. It doesn't stink at all, so I think it may have totally evaporated.

I was telling one of my friends that I didn't even want to talk about birds (not like we were) and he told me a story much worse than my own. Two almost hatched bird eggs fell on his car, so he had two dead fetus birds on his car sitting in the sun roasting. He said the smell was absolutely disgusting. Isn't that one of the grossest stories ever? Ugh!

I think the birds know I'm talking about them, because I Tweeted about the bird poo and the attacks seem to have intensified since then. As I was getting ready to pull out of the garage the other day, I turned my head to look behind me and there it was. One of their bravest soldiers sitting on the window sill of my car. Right there three feet away from me, ready to attack, as his leaders had sent him to do. I let out a scream and he flew away (not very well trained, huh!). As it turns out, I was never in any real danger because my window wasn't even open.

The last kick in the shorts happened when I was riding with my mom in her car. I'm playing DJ (because I have control issues) and I'm skipping around with her CD's when all of a sudden I hear chirping. I started looking around to find the bird stalker that had followed me into the car when my mom asked what I was doing. I told her there was a bird in her car and she laughed and told me that she had a CD of birds. Chirping. WTF. 1) Who sells that, 2) who (other than my crazy mom) buys that?

I feel like Elmer Fudd with Bugs Bunny.

Extravagant Tastes on a Shoestring Budget

2009-07-20T17:00:00.007-05:00

It's no secret that being a single mom requires some creativity in the money department. While we are never super duper broke, we come very close some months. It's a balancing act that I haven't even come close to mastering. The summer is especially difficult, with day care and back- to-school expenses, and I'm about to lose my penny saving mind. Even though there's definitely some areas that I could cut back on, I won't. You know why? Because then I would feel poor and I think that's one of the worst feelings in the world.

Now let me point out that reality and I have never been friends (unless we're talking reality TV). I have things in my mind one way and I don't like to face how things really are. This is why I close my eyes when I step on the scale at the doctor's office (and tell the nurse that I don't want to know, just in case they decide to announce it) and sometimes, I just go to urgent care where I never have to step on a scale. So, this is why I choose to do my grocery shopping at Target (and not Aldi), and why I have cable and TiVO, and why we go out to eat as much as we can. We go most movies that we want (children's movies of course) AND buy popcorn. Because even though we don't have tons of money, I still don't want to feel poor. And even though my son knows money doesn't grow on trees, I don't ever want him to feel like he went without.

This is not to say that I don't make sacrifices. I don't do that much for myself, aside from the occasional girls night out and of course my annual girls trip. And I don't buy clothes or shoes very often (and if I do, you can bet they come from Target or Old Navy - oh and I don't like going through sales racks, because that also makes me feel poor). I've had two pedicures in the past eight years and no manicures. I sacrificed my monthly massages when I bought my house. I use coupons when I go grocery shopping and stock up when things are on sale. So don't judge me for having a few extravagances (that most people probably wouldn't even consider extravagances).

Now, just because these things make me feel poor, please don't take that as me judging those who do those things. More power to you; I admire you.

This is all about me.

Movies Alone: Yes or No?

2009-07-14T12:58:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago, I went to the movies by myself for the first time in my 31 years. William was off with my parents and I decided to treat myself to a movie. It was awesome! I didn't have to share my popcorn with anyone. I didn't have to accompany a certain 8-year-old to the bathroom. I just sat and watched Phelam 123 and enjoyed the hell out of it.

This week, William's been with my sister all week, so I decided to try again. This time, it was Bruno...and it didn't go as well. It was totally obvious that I was by myself. Usually, when you walk into the theater, the lights are off, so it's no big deal to be sitting by yourself. However this time, the lights were on and it seemed like there was a spotlight directly on me. Not to mention, I had a contraband cookie and diet coke that I wanted to bust out. Did I mention I was the first one in the theater, so I was kind of the center of attention before other people started filing in. But, when the lights when down, so did my crazy hyper-sensitivity and I was able to sit back and enjoy one of the best, most disturbing movies I've seen in a long time.

Other than being crazy and assuming that everyone is talking about me, the only other thing I don't like is that you don't have anyone to discuss the movie with after it's over. I guess I'm becoming a little more self-confident if I'm able to go to the movies by myself and not really care what people think (matinees only though, of course).

Have you ever been to the movies by yourself? Do you feel like everyone's talking about you? Am I crazy? (don't answer that)

My Hot Dog Problem

2009-07-09T11:00:00.002-05:00

I took William to our local waterpark last Friday, as I was off for the 4th. We had a blast and around 3:00 we thought it was snack time, so we headed over to the snack area (I recommend putting your flip flops on) and stood in line to fill our tummies. First of all, they don't have Diet Coke, they have Diet Rite. I said "Ewwwww" and the cashier said "Sorry" very sincerely. William got some shaved ice and I decided a hot dog sounded good. For those of you who know me, I try to avoid pork at all costs, but a hot dog just sounded good. I ate the hot dog and went on about my day. By nightfall, I was totally dizzy and sick. While I never actually barfed, the thought of "hds", as I'm now calling them, makes me sooooo nauseous. Even as I'm writing this, I'm feeling sick.

So, do you think I could avoid hds? Nope. On Bridezillas, all the one girl could talk about....hds. On the Bachelorette, hds. On the radio, "You've seen the professionals eat hds, now it's your turn!" On an old movie, I just happened to want to watch again, Fools Rush In, hds. They're everywhere. I'm going to a baseball game this weekend, I bet I'll hear the words or see the food itself. That will probably put me over the edge.

The madness must stop.

Sometimes It's Gonna Rain

2009-07-07T09:07:00.002-05:00

Today William is going on a field trip with Hartman Reserve Nature Preserve. They are going to Prairie City, which is roughly 2 hours south of us. I was super nervous last night, just thinking about what if he has to go to the bathroom, will they watch him at one of those gross gas stations like I would? I was very, very nervous. So, I didn't plan for the deluge that hit us on our way into the nature preserve.

We were running a little late, like we always do, trying to find this nature preserve that's tucked away behind several neighborhoods. William kept saying to me, "Look for a hill. I know there's a hill there." With that helpful information, I finally found the place. We stop at the first building, "Nope, you have to go down the trail." By this time, it is pouring like crazy and my umbrella is pretty much useless. I'm trying to protect the Nintendo DS in his backpack, completely ignoring William. We're walking down the trail, just as a car drives by us (apparently we could have driven down the trail....), and I look over at William who is completely drenched....as if I had thrown him in a river. We get to the nature center and the guides are looking at the shivering little puppy in front of them. I look around at all the other kids, who are totally dry, and wonder if they got there before the rain started or if there moms were much smarter than me. The guides say they will go through the lost and found to find him some clothes (P.S. who leaves a shirt and/or shorts behind?), but all I could ask about was, "If he has to go to the bathroom, you'll keep an eye on him at a gas station, right?" They laughed and said of course, which made me feel stupid and better at the same time.

As I was driving home to change my clothes, all I could think of was my poor little muffin sitting there in wet clothes, socks, shoes, etc. I should have packed an extra set of clothes. I wonder if he remembered to grab his backpack and lunch box. It's going to be a long day of worrying....

The Way You Make Me Feel

2009-07-06T11:20:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure how I feel about Michael Jackson's death. While his passing is tragic, was it altogether unexpected? This guy went under more anesthesia than all of the Real Housewives combined for all of their various surgeries (although not Danielle from New Jersey, only one boob job for that girl) and Pamela Anderson. Plus he allegedly had a pretty bad prescription drug problem. And he was just....strange.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Billie Jean, Thriller, even Dirty Diana. He was an AMAZING performer. But that talent can't negate all of the weirdness that surrounded him. As I watch all of the retrospectives and E! True Hollywood Stories, etc. on him, I'm not sure if he was just a big kid who really loved children, or if he's a big creep who REALLY loved children. Only he and those children know what happened, but I'm not inclined to forget that he was once accused of child molestation and once paid another accuser. If it walks like a duck...

However, those close to him, those who knew him well have spoken of his amazing kindness and genuine love for children. I hope that's all it was. But, we don't pick and choose what we will be remembered for. If you don't want people to talk about you, don't give them the ammunition.

Twitter Me This...

2009-07-02T09:20:00.002-05:00

So, I've joined the 21st Century (or is it 20th? I can never keep that straight) and joined Twitter. I am all a-twitter with the possibilites! Mostly, I can do it from my mobile phone. And I guess I can update my facebook from it. Not sure how it all works just yet, but you can be sure in a week, I'll have it down pat.

Very sorry I've been so absent for so long, but I promise to make an effort to post several times a week. Mostly, I've felt pretty uninspired. However, it's very difficult without a computer of my very own to do it. For instance, the other night when we were at my parents for dinner and I was signing up for Twitter and trying to blog, William was all up in my business, like "What's Twitter?" and my mom was yelling at me to set the table. About the only thing I can do with a purpose over there is download music, and sometimes even that is a challenge. So I promise to find some quiet time at my parents to blog and/or get my own computer.

There have been so many things that have happened and that would be funny to blog about, but I've pretty much forgotten them by now. I will do better....

I'm Psychic!

2009-02-06T10:01:00.000-06:00

Remember yesterday how I mentioned crazy Octuplets mom and Angelina in the same blog. Well....

I'm Going for Noctuplets!!!!

2009-02-05T10:16:00.000-06:00

So, this woman with the Octuplets. Single, living with her parents, already had six children, and is shopping her story around to the highest bidder. Word is she'll get around $2mil for her story. Just for having Octuplets.

How can one person possibly take care of 8 babies and 6 children ages 2-7. How in the hell can anyone not named Brad and Angelina take care of that many kids? And, how can she possibly work? She must be on the dole. So technically, we're paying for these babies. All because some crazy fertility doctor took on her crazy mission to implant 8 embryos. WTF!!! We, as humans, are not meant to have litters. I believe the amount of children you should have is directly proportionate to the amount of nipples you have for feeding them. That's how it works in the animal world.

I blame Jon and Kate.

By the way, when I spellchecked this, Octuplets is not a word. Coincidence?!?!

Where Has All the Fun Gone?

2008-12-12T10:19:00.000-06:00

In about a week, I will be 31 years of age. I know, I don't look a day over 27, right? What's troubling me is how responsible I've become. I don't know when it happened. Perhaps sometime between age 29 and now, I've learned my lessons and have found a proper way to live my life. Good, you say?! Yes, good, but BORING. I am bored out of my mind. Living the "good" way is not as much fun as the manic and erratic lifestyle I'm used to.

I distinctly remember sitting on my couch when I lived in Washington DC saying, "I can't imagine ever not going out on a Friday or Saturday night!" My how times have changed. I still really like to go out, but I'm lacking in partners in crime, plus the hangovers nowadays are nothing to mess with. Not to mention how long it takes to get ready and figure out logistics. It is actually a lot easier to forgo the fun and just stay in. Even on the rare occasions when I do go out I usually go home BEFORE the bar closes. What's up with that? NOTE: As I write this "old me" is turning over in her "grave".

The other stupid responsible thing I've been doing is keeping track of how much money is in my account. I know that's something I'm supposed to do, but I used to just fly by the seat of my pants and hope there was enough money. It wasn't fun, but at least it kept things interesting. Now, I check my balance and if I don't have money, I don't spend money. Totally boring.

I'm in desperate need of something to shake things up in my life...or I might end up getting a tattoo. It'll probably something responsible if I do, like "A bird in the hand..." or whatever that saying is.

Pants Optional

2008-11-21T14:28:00.001-06:00

Not to get all Jerry Seinfeld on you ass, but "What's will all of the people not wearing pants?" First it was Madonna on her Stick and Sweet Tour (gross title by the way)... http://www.stuff.co.nz/images/750849.jpg
Then Beyonce and Justin Timberlake (Beyonce really wore that while performing - by herself)... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5qx-MVrXfk
...and then the illustrious Lady Gaga (I've seen this in person)http://www.angelawieland.com/images/portraits/portraits-14a-lady-gaga.jpg

When did pants become optional? I understand, you know, swimsuits....but other than that, I'm not sure I find this trend appropriate. Would you show up to a bar, club, Target or work without pants? Now they need to change the signs to say: "No shirt, no shoes, no pants, no service".

Who Says Costumes are Fun?

2008-10-15T13:59:00.000-05:00

Halloween has been a real nightmare for me this year. William is at such an "inbetween" age. At first he wanted to be something from Star Wars, but I vetoed that because that's not cute. Then he wanted to be a pirate. Well all of the pirate costumes are really cheap looking and thin and stupid. So we settled on a dinosaur. After unsuccessfully bidding on eBay for several dinosaur costumes, we went back to the Internet for ideas. You'd be surprised the costumes they have out there for little boys. To name a few:

Soul Taker
Dementor
Death Scream
Axe Murderer
Gladiator of Doom
Sailor of Death
Jack the Ripper
Death Eater
Captain Sea Plague
Corpse Klown (sic)
Lord Dark Skull
and my favorite....
Child Pimp

A pimp. Seriously? What's he going to say when he goes to some one's door "Yo, trick, where's my treat?"

Needless to say, William will be none of the above. Stay posted...we may have agreed on a costume concept that fulfills both of our requirements!

Who Wants Balls

2008-10-08T17:44:00.000-05:00

As I'm driving down the road, I see a truck with a pair of "balls" hanging from the hitch. I've seen this before, but this time I had my camera. You might think this is common in Iowa, but it isn't. And before you think, "Oh, this guy's kind of funny," I have to tell you the rest of the story. So as drive past in an effort to take the picture, I notice this dickwad has a confederate flag attached (probably stapled) to the roof of his truck. Then, I noticed the license plate holder had a confederate flag on it. What year is it? People are idiots...here's your proof.

More Shows

2008-10-01T12:39:00.000-05:00

I remembered that I also watch the following:

Tuesday
Law & Order SVU

Wednesday
Lipstick Jungle
Dirty Sexy Money
Pushing Daisies

Let's Talk TV

2008-09-30T10:33:00.000-05:00

I love fall. Not only is the weather unbelievable, but it ushers in the new TV season. If you know me, you know that TV is possibly my only "hobby" and that I should be paid for watching it. My friend Mere asked me what I was watching and I proceeded to give her this list:

Monday
Gossip Girl
Heroes
Prison Break
Boston Legal
Plus...Lost reruns are on the SciFi channel

Tuesday
90210
Dancing With The Stars
Biggest Loser

Wednesday
Project Runway
America's Next Top Model

Thursday
Ugly Betty
Survivor
Grey's Anatomy
The Office
ER

Friday
The Game

Saturday
I catch up on all of the stuff I've recorded

Sunday
The Amazing Race
Desperate Housewives
Brothers and Sisters
Army Wives
Dexter
Entourage

I'm sure that I have other things recorded on Wednesdays, but I can't even remember! Not to mention, BET runs re-runs of The Wire everynight of the week, which I record.

This TV lineup is exhausting. I couldn't even pick up any new shows!

I know some people (or one person in particular) will say that their lives are too exciting and they don't need to watch or discuss TV, but since I am a single mother, we spend a fair amount of time at home. Once homework, dinner, bath, and snuggling are done, I can't just leave, so I'm at home, watching TV. I wouldn't change it for the world!

I'm Right!

2008-09-30T10:25:00.000-05:00

I'm not the only one that feels that some classes on "real life" may have been useful, granted my previous post was about cooking, but I think the broader point is that we should be better prepared for real life.
1) On Oprah, Mark Consuelos and Alli Wentworth, while discussing the economy, made that point that maybe a "money" class may be more useful than say, Algebra or Trig.
2) Our economy is in the shitter right now, because far too many people didn't know what they were doing with their money, according to the President of the United States (take it with a grain of salt, but there's evidence to back it up)

My friend Joanne and I suggest that there be a required course, maybe a year or two after graduating from college, where you have to go back and learn about mortgages, insurance, 401K, and all the other adult stuff. It's really hard to care about it until it matters to you, so learning it while you're in school, with no real-life experience probably won't help. But at least some curriculum in school about budgeting, balancing your checkbook, etc. would be a start. I know more than one person who fell prey to the offer of a free t-shirt to apply for a credit card, and years down the road are still trying to dig out.

Home Economics....Not a Waste of Time

2008-09-18T13:25:00.000-05:00

If memory serves, I was not allowed to take Home Ec. class in high school because it was just a "filler" and wasn't really necessary. Well, fast forward to 30-year-old single mother me, and I think it might have been a little more useful than chorus.

In a feeble attempt to make homemade pizza the other night (in order to save money), I made a sort of, semi-edible, pizza that my son would NOT eat. The first problem: it said to spread the dough with floured fingers. After figuring out what that meant, I realized I do not own flour (why would I, I have NEVER made anything from scratch). Second problem: the pan was supposed to be greased. My question is, with what? I sprayed a little PAM and that seemed to do the trick. Problem three: it said to put a cup of sauce. Well, that was way too much. Every bite of pizza squirted out piping hot sauce. Last problem: I got distracted watching TV and didn't hear the oven beeper going off, so the cheese was totally burnt and crusted over. So when William wouldn't eat it, I said, "I'm sorry I screw everything up!" and instead of saying something like, "No you don't mom!" he said, "That's OK" and walked away with his replacement dinner, a plate of flat turkey (sandwich turkey as opposed to pieces of a whole turkey- 'cause we eat that so often (not) that we have to distinguish the two types of turkey).

Earlier the same morning, I had attempted pancakes. William suggested I not try pancakes again.

The point is, maybe I would have benefited from Home Ec. Perhaps learning how to sew a button or make pancakes would not have been a waste of my time. I'm sure they learned other things in that class, like how to balance a check book or do laundry. I've learned all of these things from the "School of Hard Knocks" which has one hell of a grading curve.

I Know, I Deserve It

2008-09-15T10:05:00.000-05:00

On a recent trip to the quad cities, I received a speeding ticket for going 70 in a 55 (he knocked it down from 80). In my defense, I didn't know what the speed limit was and I thought I was lost. I was not paying attention, at all, to how fast I was going. Being that I make it a rule to 15 over the speed limit, I was not mad about the ticket. I'm sure I've deserved every ticket I've gotten and haven't gotten. I've been pulled over so many times, too numerous to count, it was bound to happen. And, I got off easy. 80 in a 55 is totally unacceptable and I could have had some serious restrictions on my license.

All that being said....I'm not sure I really deserved the ticket. I mean, earlier in the day, I was going 5 mph due to a wide load that covered both lanes. Later that day, I was going 15 in a 25. Couldn't we just average out our speed?

And another thing. I'm a law abiding, tax paying citizen. I don't do drugs, steal, drunk drive, or do anything illegal. Couldn't I just get a pass? I mean, really?

I'll pay my ticket, and go on about my merry day. But, none the less, it sucks.

Oh, and later in the day I fell. In a parking lot. No one around.

MIA

2008-07-25T09:36:00.000-05:00

Sorry, it's been a really long time since I've posted anything. I haven't felt creative, I haven't felt like writing, and nothing too interesting has happened. Sorry.

How I Know I've Gotten Old...
Since I turned 30 - there have been a lot of signs that I'm getting-on in years. I remember being in college and thinking "I can't imagine just staying home on a Saturday night, that would suck!" Well, college me was right. But current me can't seem to muster the energy to drink all night long anymore, so what's the point of going out? Most people make that "not going out" change when they get married. Not me, I've made it because I simply don't want to any more. I wish college me would have warned future me that this would happen.

On my recent vacation to Arizona to one of my best friend's weddings, my girlfriends and I dedicated more time discussing bowel movements than men. Times have changed.

But, the kicker, when my son was gone to my sister's house for a week, did I go out every night? Nope I went to the movies (twice) with my boss and my mom. And I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Back Off--He's MY Man

2008-04-25T08:57:00.000-05:00

I am sooooooooooooo in love with James Clement, first of Survivor China and now Survivor Micronesia:
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor15/survivors/james.shtm

There are several reasons I love him:

When William first saw him, he said, "I think that's the strongest man I've EVER seen!"
He's so level headed! If you've ever watch the show, he is a voice of reason and doesn't play games.
The other night when William and I were going over his spelling words, I told him to spell 'kissing' and he said, "Wait....mama and James sitting in a tree..." Out of the mouths of babes, I say!!
I haven't had the best luck finding honest, good men, and CBS has already done an extensive background check on James. If he's been in trouble, I'd know about it.

For all of these reasons, you, my friends, need to help me find James. I'm sure he has a MySpace or something (but I don't).

The Simon Cowell of Our Family

2008-04-17T13:04:00.000-05:00

Do you ever notice on American Idol how when Simon says something negative, most of the time, people are like "Well, that's your opinion!" or the crowd boo's him? But, when he says something positive, they all take it to heart? That's because he doesn't compliment people unnecessarily and he means what he says (unlike crazy Paula - who isn't as crazy as I'd like her to be this season). To me, if you're going to bask in the good, you've got to accept the negative as well. Even though we'd all like to live in the good and ignore the negative, that's just not the way it works.

I'd say my dad is the Simon Cowell of our family. He's pleasant, funny, and usually fun to be around. But he's not going to blow smoke up your ass or tell you everything is rainbows and butterflies. When he says something, he means it. So, when he told me the other night that he's impressed by the way I keep in touch with my old friends, it meant something. He doesn't compliment me often, so I'll take it where I can get it!

Do you have a "Simon Cowell" in your life? I'm sure you do.

Lazy Saturday

2008-04-04T08:25:00.000-05:00

For as long as I can remember, I've loved Lazy Saturday/Sunday. For those of you not familiar with this concept, it involves laying in bed and watching TV...all...day and ordering food in. In college we used to rent several movies (such as all movies starring James Spader) or we'd watch animal shows (one on sea horses sticks out in my memory). Once my son was born, forget about it. I was way too busy taking care of him all day. And even as a 30-year-old adult, it's a little harder to find time for a day like this, let alone justify it. This past weekend, however, I found a way to justify it financially (one of my strengths is justifying my behavior):

-I completely save electricity. I like to spend my Lazy Saturday in the dark cove that is my bedroom. No lights, just the glow of the TV. If I'm not cleaning (which uses electricity), I'm saving myself some coin.
-You can't shower on Lazy Saturday (it's in the rules) so again, I'm saving money with the water and electricity, but I'm also saving money because there are only so many places you can go if you haven't showered (meaning the drive thru).
-This past weekend, we had to run to the mall for a couple things. You know how that goes, so we ended up spending way too much money. So, if I stay in bed all day, I won't spend money frivolously.

As if I haven't given enough reasons, I can justify it several other ways:
-I'm teaching my son to be independent and play on his own. When I have a Lazy Saturday coma, he goes to his play room and spends the whole day just playing away. He comes to get me when he needs something to eat or anything important, but other than that, he fends for himself.
-I learn ALOT on Lazy Saturday. Last Lazy Saturday, I watched the HBO miniseries John Adams. If you haven't seen this, it's awesome. It's a history lesson on TV. I've always maintained that TV is educational and an all around great way to get information, Planet Earth on Discovery teaches you about, you guessed it, the earth. Top Chef teaches you about food you don't know how to cook and probably wouldn't like to eat. Rock of Love teaches you about STD's. Need I say more?

If you're not already convinced, try it some time. Some of you don't have the patience to do it, and that's OK. I've found it hard to just sit there, but in the end, you'll find it's worth it.

Guess Who's My Favorite Person on Earth...

2008-02-14T09:03:00.000-06:00

My son! He is sooooo funny; last night when we went to Applebees for our Valentine's Eve dinner (yes, it's not just Christmas and New Year's...according to William, every holiday has an Eve), we ordered mozzerella sticks for an appetizer. Then, when we placed our entre order, William ordered mac & cheese and told the waitress "That's a lot of cheese for a guy who's lactose intolerent!" While the waitress didn't bat an eye, I thought it was hilarious that a six-year-old can deliver a line like that!

Again, spell check isn't working. Forgive me!

Meet My Mini-Me

2008-02-05T09:26:00.000-06:00

My son is approacing the 7-year mark. He is, as they say, the apple of my eye. The last two years, maybe even the last year, have been the best yet. Not just because he's soooooo much more self sufficient, but because we truly "get" eachother. So I'd like to give you a list of a few of the reasons my son is my favorite person on earth:

The other day in the car I said something and his response was "True That"
Our usual "What do you want for dinner" conversation usually goes like this: Me "What do you want for dinner?" Him "Well, I know you don't want to cook, so..."
As we were walking into Target the other day he says "How come things opposites are always two words....like the opposite of down is up and the opposite of yes is no?" I didn't have an answer to his question, but I really liked it.
Ever since we set-up our PS2 and started playing Star Wars Legos, he says "I wonder what Star Wars Legos has in store for us tonight!!"

The fact that I really enjoy his company kind of caught me off guard, but it shouldn't, he's exactly like me. But when I was out with my friends this past weekend, I wished William could be there (figuratively) to join in on the fun! And that's when it hit me...he's the best thing that ever happened to me and as much as I feel like I need a break from him, I'm totally smitten and there's no one I'd rather spend my time with. Who knew?

P.S. The spell check doesn't seem to be working and I don't really like to re-read my stuff, so sorry for any spelling errors.

Yes We Can

2008-02-04T14:47:00.000-06:00

I've taken a little bit of flack for switching my party affiliation in order to vote in the Iowa caucus. My candidate of choice? Barack Obama.

For my entire life, I have been a staunch republican, but this year, I couldn't get behind a single republican candidate. If you had ever told me I'd be supporting a democratic candidate for our Commander in Chief, I would had thought you were beyond Britney crazy, however, my life is not what it once was. I'm in a different tax bracket then I expected, I'm a single mother of an "At-Risk" child, I struggle to find affordable healthcare for my child, and although I don't personally rely on public aid, I see the need for it, despite the broken system.

Mostly Barack makes a kick-ass video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjXyqcx-mYY

Jokes aside, I was moved by the video. Propaganda or not.

Hell Has Frozen Over

2008-01-29T12:52:00.000-06:00

I live in Iowa. Yesterday it was 50 degrees and I was wearing sandals. Today, it is 4 degrees and the wind chill is -30 degrees. Do you think there's something wrong with this picture?

I wish Al Gore had never invented Global Warming (but I'm glad he invented the Internet)!

Vampires, Shmampires

2008-01-29T09:20:00.000-06:00

Last night, in a last ditch attempt to avoid sleeping in his own bed, William came into my room at 9:50 and said "I just want to tell you..." (I'm thinking he wants to tell me he loves me, but no) "...that I've kind of started believing in vampires." I'm not that nice of a mom, because I wasn't like "Oh, no, sweetie, vampires aren't real." I said "Get out of my room. Vampires don't exist. If they did, I'd protect you from them. Get out."

What do you think he was thinking about this morning when he asked me "Why do you always wear black?" He probably thinks I'm a vampire. He'll soon be starring in his own Disney Channel movie My Mom's a Vampire.

It's Been A While

2008-01-25T16:47:00.001-06:00

Sorry it's been soooooo long since I've posted. I suppose I got wrapped up in the holidays and my busy little existence. Here's what's been happening since we last met:

Hi, My Name's William, and I'm Psychic

My soon-to-be seven-year-old son informed me recently that he is psychic. He did not use those words, but he told me that in fact he dreams stuff, and the next day it happens. That's what I call psychic! I had NO idea my son had such a gift. I will be supportive of said gift until he comes up with a better one. Last night, I asked him how the dreams were going, what was going to happen, etc., and he informed me that it's very difficult to have dreams about the future when you have a cold. Very true.

We've Had Game Named After Us!!!!

My friend's sweet little two-year-old boy likes to play a game called Rebecca and William. And it does not include one yelling obscenities at the other, interestingly enough. So, my friend and her two-year-old play Rebecca and William, doing various tasks. I have been forever immortalized! I have never been happier!

I Turned 30

Well, the world didn't end when I turned 30. The world barely even noticed. I have lovely friends, all of whom called me and/or sent cards. I've learned a few things in my short time on this earth and I'd like to wax a little philosophy on you:

I cannot read anyone's mind, nor should I expect people to read mine (except for my psychic son)
I do not hold people to a higher standard than I hold myself (for instance, if I don't return phone calls, I shouldn't expect others to return mine)

So I guess that's what I know about life to this point. I thought there'd be more, but when people are talking to me constantly while I'm writing this blog, it's hard to remember stuff.

That's all for now. Once people leave me alone, I'll be able to write more.

My Most Embarassing Fall Ever

2007-11-28T09:59:00.001-06:00

It happened over this Thanksgiving weekend, it seemed like all was going well, and then, it happened. I'll set the scene for you:

My cousin Phil's basketball game just ended. I'd left from work and traveled to Rockford, IL to the game, so I still had my adorable high heels on from work. I made it through the whole game, climbing up and down the bleachers a couple times, but with assistance, I made it. That was, until the game was over. I'm climbing down the bleachers and the next thing you know, I've tumbled, rolled, and fallen down 3 or 4 rows of bleachers. Also, I'm missing a shoe. Although the gym had mostly cleared out, my family was still there. We're talking cousins, uncles, my sister, my parents, my grandparents. When I realized what happened, I heard this girl, 10-years-old or so, saying, "Oh my God, I tripped her!" I told her she didn't, but then I led everyone to believe that she did (they didn't believe me).

So, this was a good laugh for the moment, which I thought would end. Normally, when I fall, there's usually only a few people I know around me, and they usually let it go. Not my family. All Thanksgiving weekend they'd make little comments. I deserved whatever they would throw at me, though.

My footwear is almost always inappropriate and the root of most of my problems, but it's worth it!

A Lifetime of Thankful

2007-11-21T09:03:00.000-06:00

This year, I have so much to be thankful for. It's good for the soul to recognize your blessings and let people know you're thankful for them, so here it goes:

My Family. I am blessed to have parents who love me and my son. Many of us think this is a given, but if you look around, it's not. I've given my parents enough reasons to throw their hands up at me and give up, but they never have. I also have a sister who I love dearly and speak to about 5 times a week. We had our differences growing up, so I'm particularly appreciative of our relationship now.
My Son. I didn't really want to be a mother, but you do what you have to...and I'm so glad I did. This child brings me endless joy and has fulfilled me in a way I never expected. Since it's just the two of us, we don't really have a choice but to be each other's constant companion. I wouldn't choose anyone else.
My Friends. I have the world's best friends. I have several friends that I've known since grade school and high school that are still my best friends in the world. I feel fortunate to have such strong bonds with such wonderful friends. I have a few friends from college who I still talk to on a weekly basis. I'm a lucky girl.
My Home. I know you're not supposed to be thankful for material goods, but I love my house. I love what it stands for, I love that I did it myself, I love that everything in it is a deliberate decision on my part, I love that it's mine, I love that I don't have to clean it if I don't want to, I love that my dad didn't want me to buy it, but he helps me all the time and I'm sure he's secretly proud of me.
My Grandpa. Most of you know, but for those who don't, my Grandpa was diagnosed with stomach cancer and it spread. He's opted not to treat it because the odds that it will get to the cancer in the stomach are not good. My Grandpa is what's good with this world: he was a lawyer, then an FBI Agent, then a Judge. He gives his time and talents to good causes, he loves my Grandma, and he loves all of us, despite our faults. I'm so proud of my Grandpa and I don't want to lose him, but I'm proud of the way he's handled this. I know grandpa's are supposed to die at some time, but the thought of loosing mine takes my breath away and I can't bear to think about it. I only hope that I can live my life with the dignity and class that he exemplifies.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

I Love New York

2007-11-13T09:09:00.000-06:00

I have a guilty pleasure, and it's called I Love New York on VH1. This is the woman, New York (aka Tiffany Pollard), is searching for love in a sea of men who are most likely actors. Now, New York is a woman that was originally on the Flavor of Love, but apparently wasn't good enough for Flavor Flav (who hooked up with Brigette Neilsen).

This season of I Love New York has been top notch. There was a midget, a "spit" fight, ghosts, toe sucking, snitching, and anything else you could want on a reality dating show. It's not even a guilty pleasure anymore, it's just something I'm proud to admit that I watch.

I am, however, not proud that New York (Tiffany) and I are more alike than I'd like to admit. This realization came when I saw the previews for a new episode where her suitors have to cook her a meal and she says, "He combined two of my favorite things in the whole world, ranch and vodka." Hold up, New York, those are two of my favorite things. I began to think of other ways New York and I are alike: we both like low cut shirts, we both can't find love, we like big strong black men. I feel like she's my sister from another mister.

If you've seen this show, you're probably lowering your head and shaking it with disappointment. That's OK, I'm OK with it!

Never Underestimate Me Again

2007-11-12T11:42:00.000-06:00

This weekend's home improvement project was a big one. I was going to paint the living room AND remove the carpet. With a couple days of prep, the painting was a breeze. Big ups to my friend Annie who came to help, I will be forever indebted.

Then came the carpet removal. I tricked my dad into coming over to "check out how the painting went" and then enlisted his help. Once he got me started and Annie left, I had a large room's worth of carpet to remove. By myself. And you know what, I did it! I only have a few dozen scrapes, cuts, and bruises, but considering I used hammers, screwdrivers, crowbars, and pliers, I don't think that's too bad!

I underestimate myself quite a bit. While I wish I was financially able to pay people to do my dirty work, but I can't. There's something to be said about doing it yourself. I don't think I'd appreciate the beauty of my completely transformed living room if I hadn't lost some blood in the process (FYI, William lost some blood too, but only because he was playing with the tape measure). I really never thought I was cut out to do this type of manual labor, but I guess I am. I'm proud of myself today.

Do You Think This is a Sign?

2007-11-07T08:47:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, as a grabbed a little Nestle Crunch out of my son's Halloween basket, I went to the mailbox. There was a flyer from Weight Watchers. Thanks God, I think I'll listen.

The Proper Feeding of Children

2007-11-05T16:10:00.001-06:00

I once read a quote from Melania Trump that said (about her newborn son): "I don't feed him because I have to, I feed him because I want to." That is the exact opposite of how I feel.

I took two days off to be with my son when he was off of school Thursday and Friday. We were supposed to go to St. Louis, but when those plans fell through, we ended up staying home for four days of togetherness. My least favorite part of spending time with my son, is that he requires to eat at least three times a day. I could easily go without eating either breakfast or lunch, but he always wants both. Plus, when it's four days in a row, you can't exactly go to McDonald's or BK for every meal. In addition, he doesn't like to eat most of what I like to eat (probably my fault).

We need a Mom.

There's ALOT Goin' On

2007-10-25T12:40:00.000-05:00

I've been out of commission for a while, but here's everything I've been wanting to tell y'all:

Kathy Griffin Is AMAZING, Oh, and I Fell
I had the great pleasure of visiting Chicago this past weekend, for the main purpose of seeing Kathy Griffin, but also to visit my old college roomie. We had a great visit. We went out Friday night to Rush Street, after leaving the stupid bar that stupidly closed at 2:00 in search of a bar that stayed open later (mama needs to drink), I'm telling my friend, "You know, I ALWAYS fall in these shoes," BAM, I bit it. Right on the corner, with everyone watching. My purse broke and the guy behind me said "I'm gonna follow you all night, just so I can see THAT happen again!" Asshole. So there you have it, I have fallen recently, fortunately, no injuries, just my purse that hopefully my mommy can fix.

The next night, we headed to the dinner then the Chicago Theater for Kathy Griffin for a show to start at 10:30. Mind you, 10:30 was already pretty late, but when we got there, there was a line out front that went around the block-in both directions-which we had to wait in for approximately 45 minutes. Luckily, it wasn't too hot or too cold and we happened to be in just the right spot to see Padma, Dale and Gayle from Top Chef get out of their car. I about shit my pants, I was jumping up and down and probably made too big of a deal of it, as the gays we were talking to pretty much didn't talk to us after that.

The show was FANTASTIC, I recommend it for anyone who loves her brand of comedy. I didn't even remember we had to wait for forever to see her.

Hi, My Name's Rebecca, And I'm an Inappropriate Toucher
I tend to believe that I'm friends with strangers, more so than they do. Regarding the above referenced gays, I didn't mention that I grabbed one of their arms while jumping up and down. Maybe that's why they didn't talk to us any more?!

In Von Mauer on Monday, I bought some Clinique and then found out that Bonus started on Wednesday. This always happens to me. So, the lady very graciously offered for me to order some more items and she'd send them. I told her, no, I'd come back. Then I basically had to fill out all of the same stuff, so I told her to just send it. I then called myself retarded. To make things more awkward, I touched her arm and told her thanks, she been very helpful. I don't think the touch was well received. To make matters worse, after I left, I heard my name over the loud speaker to go back to the cosmetics area. Were they going to arrest me? No, they just needed the expiration from my card, duh.

I Know I Love My TiVo....
Since I had the stomach flu for a few days, I've spent my week in bed watching TV. I actually also needed the time to catch up on everything I'd TiVo'd over the last few weeks (my body knows when I need to catch up on TiVo). I was watching an episode of Pushing Daisies and saw a commercial for an Elton John concert. Phone in hand, I'm ready to call and get tickets, if need be, for myself only. Then I see the date, October 12. I'm going through my mental calendar, do I have anything on that date. Well, I did, but it was also over two weeks ago. Damn it.

There's A Difference Between Kid Magicians and Adult Magicians

2007-10-16T08:42:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, I had the pleasure of seeing not one, but two magicians (and I wasn't in Vegas or anything). The first was the "kid" magician at a children's Halloween party. Mr. Nick was great, for a magician from Oelwein, IA, he was great! The kids LOVED him and had soooo much fun watching him. Mr. Nick was extremely talented in the balloon area (swords, flowers, vampires, you name it!) and had the patience of a saint.

Later that night, I saw the "adult" magician. I don't remember his name, he was supposed to be a comedian, but he turned out to be a comedian/magician. This guy also did balloon things, his was a penis with balls hat. He, too, was great. I really like it when they embarrass audience members, as long as it's not me. He did some basic card tricks, he made a $50 bill from a girl in the audience reappear in an orange, and he did some trick with scarves, bras, and underwear.

Now, Mr. Nick's magic wasn't hard to figure out. It was pretty basic. However, my "adult" magician had me perplexed. I love magic, but I don't get it. It makes me feel stupid and excited all at once. A good day indeed!

Held Hostage in Africa

2007-10-08T09:06:00.000-05:00

We were in Kansas City for the weekend for a friend's birthday party and I decided to make a weekend out of it and take Will to the zoo. The Kansas City zoo is deceptively GINORMOUS. We were having fun, doing the little things, then we get to "Africa" and realize there's no easy way out. It was hot, hot, hot, and all of the snack places were closed for the season. To add to the mess, it was apparently monsoon season in Africa. Did I mention my friend had her five-month-old little sweet baby in his not-waterproof stroller? We had nowhere to go. Eventually we made our way to the tram and got back to Kansas City. Whew!

It was a fun day, however. Will and I rode a camel, I had a Larakeet on my head and shoulder, we saw baboons go apeshit on a zoo guest, watched a gorilla get fed, fell in love with meerkats, and, even though I was wearing flip flops in the rain, no accidents!!

You're Never Too Old to Try New Things

2007-10-04T10:19:00.000-05:00

Fortunately for me (and not for you) I haven't been injured in a long time, despite ample opportunity! I think it's like how a watched pot doesn't boil. I've even taken to trying all types of new things I've never done/had before! I'm almost 30, I'd better get everything in before I enter the "elderly" category! Many things I've already talked about on my blog, but the list is impressive (according to me!):

I tried chicken/hot/buffalo wings. Not sure what they're actually called, but since they can be dipped in ranch, I love 'em!
I jumped/swam/tubed/boated in lake for the first time. I didn't die and I should probably apply for Survivor! However there is some weird deadly amoeba that lurks in lakes, swims up through your nose into your brain. Mostly in Texas, Florida, and Arizona, so I may steer clear of lakes in those states.
I wore sensible shoes to a football tailgate---it makes a world of difference.
I ate ribs. Probably won't do it again, but at least I tried.
I changed a lock, not once, but twice. My sister stayed at my house for the weekend and when I came home, she said the deadbolt didn't work. Fixed, no problem, I'm a pro!
Went to a Boy Scout meeting (for my son)!
Will played on the Burger King playground equipment and I didn't freak out and tell him he was going to die of germs! I kind of forgot about germs. We've both had a cold ever since, so I think I'll try to remember next time.
I've been drinking beer instead of mixed drinks. Not always, but I'm trying to stick with the "Liquor before beer you're in the clear; beer before liquor, you've never been sicker" rule. If I'm someplace where beer is served (like an outdoor festival or concert) I'll drink the beer and stick with it. I even have some beer in my fridge (left over from home improvement projects).

I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm not set in my ways, I'm young, vibrant, and the world is my oyster!!!

It's 9:00 Do You Know Where Your Tylenol PM Is?

2007-10-04T10:07:00.000-05:00

Last night was kind of hectic because we didn't get home until 7:50, so I had to get Will in the bath, get the garbage out, talk on the phone...the usual. In the midst of all of this, I'm not sure if I took my Tylenol PM.

For those of you who know me, you know I'm a frequent and habitual user of the stuff. I take it every night to make sure I stay asleep. If I think I've run out or dropped my last pill, I'm like a crack fiend. You can imagine when I couldn't remember if I'd taken it how I felt.

I called my friend who is a nurse and asked if I could just go ahead and take two more, just in case. The answer was no and that I already sound like I'd taken it--that's new, a phone diagnosis just from my slurred words, nice. I was stirring and stirring. Maybe I can just take one, that way I won't OD if I'd already taken some. I went so far as to get the one pill out of the bottle, but then I stopped myself.

I know when kids are sick (I'm not sick) you can give them both acetaminophen and ibuprofen, so I'll just take some ibuprofen. As I'm fumbling around looking for the ibu, my son is asking "What are you doing, mom?" and like a true drug addict, I said "Don't worry about it, go to sleep!" I took two ibu and went to sleep.

What is wrong with me?

Illegitmate, Schmillegitimate

2007-09-26T13:54:00.000-05:00

My co-worker was telling me she reads this blog http://www.parentdish.com/bloggers/kristin-darguzas/. Now, she's been reading it for a while, and considering it's on a site called Parent Dish, I didn't feel like it was a site for me. Then, one day she told me that this Kristin is a single mama (or unmarried mother) such as myself. I'm now addicted. However, I wondered why I thought the site didn't apply to me. I'm a parent, I like to dish. But I know why. Because these sites are filled with "My husband didn't help change the baby's diaper" and "We're wondering what the best preschool is for our 2-month-old". I have a different set of circumstances such as, do I pay the electric bill or the daycare, why can't my son catch a football, and how am I going to raise my son all by myself.

This divide between regular parents and single parents starts at the very beginning. When I found out I was pregnant there were no books out there titled "Oh Shit, You're Knocked Up" only "What To Expect When You're Expecting" and the like. I remember reading these books and thinking, "this really doesn't apply to me", but I read them anyway, because that's what was available.

When children are born out of wedlock, they are, by definition, illegitimate. Meaning, not legitimate. Now that's not a very nice way of describing my child. Because he has only one participating parent, does that make him less legitimate than other children...according to society, yes.

So I did a little research:

-According to Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2003, released by the U.S. Census Bureau in July, 2006, there are approximately 14 million single parents in the United States today raising 21.6 million children.

-Single parents account for 27 percent of family households with children under 18. (US Census Bureau of Household and Family Statistics, 2000)
-More than two million fathers are the primary caregivers of children under 18, a 62 percent increase since 1990. (New York Times, May 20, 2001, Jane Fritsch)
-One in two children will live in a single-parent family at some point in childhood. (State of America’s Children Yearbook 2000, Children’s Defense Fund)
-One in three children is born to unmarried parents. (State of America’s Children Yearbook 2000, Children’s Defense Fund)
-Between 1978 and 1996, the number of babies born to unmarried women per year quadrupled from 500,000 to more than two million. (National Survey of America’s Families)
-The number of single mothers increased from three million to 10 million between 1970 and 2000. (US Census Bureau of Household and Family Statistics, 2000)

Now, that's a pretty large segment of the population. I'll admit, part of this feeling is my own defensiveness and hyper-sensitivity to my situation. But, recently, I've felt that society doesn't view me as a legitimate mother (which makes sense, because my son is not legitimate). But I am legitimate. My son has the same needs as your children, he does homework, he eats, he watches TV, he plays. Which means I do the same things all the rest of you mothers do, I help him with his homework, I cook (or buy) dinner, I watch TV while he watches TV, I play with him and remind him to clean up. Feels pretty legitimate to me. I'm both parents, it doesn't get more legitimate than that.

Parenthood is hard, no matter how many people are in the family. I've always recognized that. I don't think my friends have it easier because they have husbands, I know they still have it hard. I'm just tired of single (or unmarried) parents being the red-headed step-children (not to offend red-heads or step-children) of the parenting world. My son is as legitimate as they come.

Early Thanksgiving

2007-09-24T13:59:00.000-05:00

This weekend, I had the great pleasure of attending one of my best friend's 30th birthday party. As far as parties go, it was awesome!! We got to mini-bowl, drink beer, eat pizza, play games, watch the Isiserettes, and most importantly I got to hang out with my friends.

Most of my friends are from grade school, with a few more from high school. But the majority, I've known since 1st grade (one since birth). You get to know a person pretty well when you've known them that long and done that much with them. We're scattered throughout the state (and some in other states), but whenever we get together, it's like we've never missed a beat. I laughed harder than I've laughed in a long time.

So, on my drive home, I reflected on how fortunate I am to have that many friends who I absolutely adore. I feel very blessed. So, no jokes today, just smiles.

Have You Ever...

2007-09-21T11:31:00.000-05:00

...gone to the mall with the specific purpose of getting a cookie (and that's it)?

...had a sunburn soooooo bad that when the skin peels you bleed?

...in one day: worked, gone to yoga, fed your child a home cooked meal, went to a boy scout meeting, helped your son with his homework, gave him a bath, vacuumed, went to your parents (who are out of town) to bring in their mail, take out their garbage and recycling, empty the de-humidifiers, and watched Survivor?

Guess what? I have!

Who Knew Spending Time in the Sun Can Burn Your Skin?

2007-09-18T10:16:00.000-05:00

I spent Saturday at "Iowa's Super Bowl", the annual match-up between the University of Iowa and Iowa State University. I have no preference for either team...I just went to have a few drinks and enjoy time with my friends.

This required waking up at 5:00 am, drinking at 6:30 am, using the most disgusting Port-a-Potties I've EVER had the distinct pleasure of using, and wearing tennis shoes. Guess what happens when you wear tennis shoes...you don't fall!!! I figured I'd have between 1-5 injuries to report, however, not a single one! My friend Hannah knew we could have trouble and encouraged the tennis shoes (as opposed to the wedge boots) and also let me know when there was a curb or something I could potentially fall over. Thanks, Hannah!

However, the day was not without incident. With the temperature at about 65, I didn't figure I needed to wear sunscreen. I am stupid. My face and scalp are RED. But the kicker is, remember how I had no preference for either team, I was wearing an Iowa Hawkeyes tattoo on one cheek and an Iowa State Cyclones tattoo on the other cheek. Now I have white areas on my cheeks in those shapes. I look awesome. Not to mention the fact that my face is flaking everywhere. Gross.

The Grossest Thing EVER

2007-09-13T13:41:00.000-05:00

My friend Joanne who lives in Chicago just sent me an email saying that she was "waiting for the bus, standing under a tree, when a DEAD BIRD fell on her head, got stuck in the cowl neck of her new shirt, and then proceeded to slide down her back."

She's probably got the Bird Flu now.

That is officially the grossest thing that has ever happened to anyone I know.

A Few Things on My Mind

2007-09-12T08:44:00.000-05:00

*The British have such a better way of saying things than we do. For instance: "This is balderdash, complete and utter rubbish!" American translation, "Man, that's bullshit...what the fuck!" Some other British English phrases or words that are way better than American English.
nappy = diapers
rubbish bin = trash can
boot = trunk (car trunk that is)
Not to mention the fact that they sound more intelligent than we do.

*I saw a car today that had painted on the window "Pray for 9/11 familys". Nice sentiment, however, you misspelled families.

*Often times, when I'm driving, it feels like I'm the only one that has somewhere to be. Every one's taking their sweet time, driving their Buicks. I mean no harm to these people, but they need to get out of my way. Many drivers are very selfish. I'm very aware of who's around me and try to be as accommodating as possible.

*Do you have to have a strange name to be on the Real World? This year we have, Cohutta, Shavoun, Dunbar. In the past we've had Karamo, Kaia, Teck, Arissa, Alton, Irulan, Trishelle, Brynn, Flora, Elka, Montana, and Genesis. What happened to Norm, Kevin, Julie, Becky, Heather, Eric, and Andre? I guess people with strange names are more apt to be characters, thus being cast on reality television. That is my scientific opinion.

I feel a little better now.

I Have the Answer to All of Your Questions

2007-09-10T10:59:00.000-05:00

And the answer is...I don't know the answer to that question.

My inquisitive 6 year-old asks a lot of questions. And I mean A LOT!! They mostly stem from TV...such as:
"Is the green-eyed tree frog the most ferocious frog in the jungle?"
"Are Pygmy Marmosets extinct?"
"What is a scenario?"
"Do they use Jelly Fish to make jelly?"

Just a few of the questions I was asked this weekend. I learned that you can't just say "I don't know" dismissively, because the questions keep coming. I learned to say, "I don't know the answer to that question." Works like a charm! Sometimes I do know the answer, but I don't feel like explaining what a scenario is. Pretty soon, he'll think I'm stupid and won't ask any more questions!

My Poor Baby

2007-09-06T13:32:00.001-05:00

As I'm examining my son's mosquito bites from the previous night's "lock out", I noticed a GI-NORMOUS bump on his head. I said "Is that a mosquito bite?" His response, "Yeah, I think so?" My response, "Did you fall or get hit today?" His response, "Well, yeah, I got hit with the metal door and I fell on the tile floor." My response, "I think you fall more that I do!"

His tone was sort of like 'all in a day's work, mom!'

Poor baby.

Cause You Had a Bad Day...

2007-09-05T14:05:00.000-05:00

So, yesterday was going OK, until I picked my son up from school and asked him if he had any homework, no he didn't, but he told me he had a "Character Report" from school. He apparently pushed some girl down (his version of events is that they were pushing each other and she fell down--I believe it--I'd like to push this girl too). His punishment was no TV for the night and hot lunch for the following day (goulash=gross). He was just kind of hanging around the house, looking forlorn, like he just didn't know what to do. Not my problem, I'm certainly not going to reward him by playing something with him.

I was getting ready to watch the Justin Timberlake concert on HBO (which I have been waiting for for a VERY long time)...when my phone rings. It's my friend Shaun. It's the kind of conversation I can't have with little bored ears listening, so I go outside to talk on the phone. As I'm talking, William decides to come outside and play because he's SOOOOO bored. After I wrapped things up on the phone, it's time to go inside.....and.....wait for it.....the door is locked. I have an OLD door, the kind that just locks when you shut it. Back door, that's locked too, remember I was going to watch JT, I was secure in my home. Oh snap! Normally, my parent's would have the keys to my house, but remember, I changed the locks the other day--smart girl!!! I had a friend come get me, go to my parents, hoping they'd have the keys to my front door, but, no dice! I grabbed a phone book, called a locksmith and like an Angel of God, he arrived 15 minutes later!

Now, I haven't told you about my back porch. There seems to be some sort of rodent problem, shrews or something. There was a dead rodent on my porch from Wednesday to Monday because I'm deathly afraid of rodents and no one wanted the privilege of removing this thing. By Sunday, this thing stunk to high hell. Gross, gross, grosser. So I've opened the windows on the porch, sprayed Fabreeze, however, there's still a hint of dead rodent on the porch, which is where we waited while the locksmith tried to open the door, because, by now, it's dark and we are being eaten alive by mosquitoes.

I'm making small talk with the locksmith, saying, "We really need all of our stuff in the house, I can't go to work like this!" And my son pipes in, "Yeah, with no bra on!" Nice!

20 minutes and $45 later, we were back in our house! My date with Justin was back on, and oh, did Justin deliver! That's the only thing that could make that kind of day seem insignificant!

I Am Woman Hear Me Roar

2007-08-30T13:36:00.000-05:00

We had a little incident this morning. Trying desperately to be on time, as we're running out the door, I tried to close the door to my house and it wouldn't shut. My son probably heard more swear words this morning (and he's heard ALOT) than he's ever heard before. The door WOULD NOT close, WTF. What's a single homeowner to do at 8AM? Call in reinforcements? No can do, every one's going to work. Pay someone, probably not. I will try it fix it myself!

Went to work for a bit, then came home. Opened the windows, turned on the iPod and got to work. Oh, snap, I need some sort of anchor for the screw. Go to the hardware store, get said anchor, it costs a whoping $0.09. I can't even leave the hardware store without spending more money, so I find some door knobs that will work perfectly for other doors. Stop at liquor store (open at 10AM?) to get some beer...working on the house and drinking beer go hand in hand, as I have learned from my dad.

Should be all set. First objective, remove the old door knob and dead bolt. Check. Read instructions for new set. WTF. Who do they write these instructions for? People who know what they're doing, that's who. I'm going to have to wing it. I get going, door knob, check. Dead bolt, not check. This is impossible. Totally impossible. Keep trying, keep trying, 1 1/2 hours later. Done, Done, Done!!!!!! Jump for joy!!!! Go to leave....the door won't shut. WTF, WTF, WTF!!!!!!!!!!!

Turns out, it's not the door, but the door frame that's the problem. I call it the "catch". Oh, well, at least I have a new dead bolt.

It Runs in the Family

2007-08-24T12:26:00.001-05:00

My poor little baby, on his first day of 1st Grade, fell off of his seat in the lunchroom.

When asked why he fell (I assume heat exhaustion because it's easily 190 degrees in his school), "I thought there was a back on the chair".

Poor little boy!

NEW Injuries to Report!!

2007-08-22T11:57:00.000-05:00

While I haven't had any major accidents in a while (knock on pavement), I have had a few stupid minor injuries:

1) My parents have a new bowl sink in their small downstairs bathroom. When I bent down to pull up my pants, I hit my head on the marble sink. I am officially an idiot.

2) Hit my head on the car getting in. Bugs are harder to get in than they look.

3) Last night, while doing the dishes (well, only half of the dishes--I'm too lazy to really complete the whole task), I sliced my thumb when I was cleaning my pizza cutter. I am officially an idiot, I should no longer be allowed to do dishes :).

That's it for now, however, tonight, I'll be planting some plants and picking pears. There's sure to be a story there!!

Uneventful day at the amusement park

2007-08-20T10:51:00.000-05:00

I took my son to Adventureland on Friday. I heard some funny things such as: "...and David thinks that because it's mini-golf, you can just hit the ball until it goes in....and then I was like 'don't think we're on a date, it's just mini-golf!'" I saw the police get called in because someone allegedly punched someone who cut in line. I read lots of interesting things on the wall and had to tell my son not to ask me what some of those things said (do people bring permanent markers to the amusement park? They must!). I've seen things I've never seen before, too numerous to mention, from hair styles to clothes, it really brings out ALL kinds.

All in all, we had a great time, made plenty of line and ride friends, and enjoyed ourselves! Until...I slipped in puke and fell. Thankfully, I was uninjured, but when I fell and turned around, stunned, trying to figure out what made me fall, and when I realized it was puke, I was sooooooooooooooo grossed out!!!!!!! We went to the bathroom, where my son said "You slipped in dog puke" and I said "There's no dogs at Adventureland" and he said, "Hot dog puke, mom!"

The year 2022 is fast approaching!! Are you ready?

2007-08-14T09:23:00.000-05:00

As I was opening a pack of batteries last night (for my son's stupid bath toy that I cut my finger on three times--to which he said, I'll rub it, but I'm not kissing your bloody finger) it said use before 2022. That's 15 years from now, for you non-math majors. I started to think, huh, 15 years from now, what will I be doing?

First of all, my son will be 21. I'm pretty sure we'll use the batteries by then. If not now, at least when he's in college, right? Probably by then, batteries will have gone the way of the dinosaur, just like we should have flying cars by now.

What does the next 15 years hold for me? Well my house won't be paid off, that's a pleasant thought. Maybe I'll be married. Maybe I'll have adopted international children like Brangelina. Maybe I'll finally learn french and spanish. Maybe I'll be the person who TiVO's and watches the most shows and I'll earn my much coveted spot in the Guinness Book of World Records. Maybe I'll still be doing everything the same.

My GF's and I talked about making a top 10 things to do before we die list, I think I'll do it to ensure that things aren't the same. Off the top of my head, in no particular order, a few from my top ten:

1) Travel Europe extensively (Amsterdam, London, Paris, Venice...)

2) Take my son to Disney World (totally attainable within the next few years--good for motivation to check things off).

3) Take a vacay with my mom, sister, and aunt. We've talked about it, but it's time to shit or get off the pot.

4) Learn a foreign language.

5) See as many concerts as possible (Jovi, JT, John Mayer---pretty much anything that starts with J).

The list will continue...it's hard!

It's not just me!!!

2007-08-13T09:23:00.001-05:00

I received this story from my Aunt Deb of Perryville, MO.

Malodorous

Malodorous. When I came home Saturday night after working at the bingo hall at the Seminary Picnic in 90+ degree heat for three hours I was malodorous. You know what I mean?
Malodorous comes from the Latin mal- or malus meaning bad and the Anglo-French word odur which derived from the Latin olere meaning to smell. So there you have it—to smell bad. And I did.
I went down to the basement to strip off my sopping, stinky clothes to put them in the washer. In the quiet I heard a “scritch, scritch, scritching” sound from the dryer. That was most peculiar. I’d been gone for a couple of days and I knew, as God is my witness, that it hadn’t been used.
Then it hit me. I wasn’t the only malodorous thing in the room. Whatever was in the dryer smelled even worse than I did. And I had a pretty good idea what it was.
I opened the door just a wee crack and confirmed my suspicions when I saw little eyes and a flash of white on black. Whew! Pepe Le Pew. He hadn’t detonated, but the skunk stunk.
I eased the door closed, not wanting to trigger any fragrant discharge, when the absurdity of the situation convulsed me in howls of laughter. There we were, me in my birthday suit and the skunk in the dryer—not a pretty sight and not a pretty situation.
I headed upstairs to the shower, which was all I could focus on at the moment, and in passing suggested to John, choking on laughter, that he might want to call the police to get some ideas what we could do. I think he thought I was nuts; there I was, cackling like a madwoman because we had a potential stink bomb trapped in an appliance.
Oh, did I mention it was the weekend? Well, the dispatcher informed us of what we already knew. Police animal control specialist Bill Buerck was not on duty. But the dispatcher did empathize with us so she called him at home. God bless her.
In the meantime I showered and mulled the situation over while sluicing the dust and dirt down the drain. I had a couple of plans, one pretty stupid one and one fairly sane approach. I ran them past John and then called our neighbors, my boss and the cop, Kate and Joe Martin.
I knew Kate would never forgive me if I didn’t share this hysterical situation with her while it unfolded. Her sense of humor is even more skewed than mine. And I knew Joe would be the voice of reason and experience, and would come up with some ideas, all the while getting a huge charge out of our predicament. I was right on all counts.
They couldn’t pass up the chance to see this drama, and even as we were discussing our options, Bill Buerck called Joe to see what he could do to help. They all rode to the rescue like John Wayne and the cavalry.
I presented my stupid plan: I had an unopened bottle of ether left over from John’s late-father’s medical practice. My insane idea was to put some on a rag and slip it into the dryer. The potential hazards were numerous, including the premature discharge of that stinky stuff while the skunk went lights out. Eyes rolled. Nah, we weren’t going to do this.
The guys had a version of the same semi-sane plan both John and I had—unhook the dryer and cart it upstairs and out to the backyard, then open it up for the little stowaway to make his escape.
And that’s what they did, Bill cutting his hand on a sharp piece of metal in the process, earning the Perryville Purple Heart.
When Bill pulled out the rag he had stuffed in the vent pipe opening, eventually the skunk backed out, and was he ever cute. He was just a little guy to have raised such a ruckus, and he was kind of wobbly on his paws. Kate and I screeched and giggled, and I shot a couple of pictures of him.
He finally waddled around behind the garage after taking an initial course back toward the dryer. Our heroes moved the stinky dryer into the garage for later cleaning to remove just a small amount of residue.
There’s just a hint of Pepe Le Pew left today, but the dryer and all of us are definitely not malodorous. Just a word between us.

Glad to see that this kind of shit doesn't just happen to me! Very, very funny story and thanks to my Aunt Deb for sharing. What's that saying-the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?

Buicks and Oldsmobiles

2007-08-08T16:56:00.000-05:00

I'm not judging, far be it for me, but Buicks and Oldsmobiles are THE SLOWEST CARS on the road. Keep an eye out, believe me, I'm right. Mostly old people drive them, so that's totally the reason, and Chevy Lumina's rank a close third with the elderly, so watch out for them. Consider this a public service!

Agree?

I went out in high heels...

2007-08-06T10:06:00.000-05:00

And didn't get hurt this weekend!!!!!! Can you believe it? I wore the shoes that I usually fall in, especially when walking on pavement, and I didn't fall! My friend Hannah and I were out and she was like "Be careful, don't fall" and sure enough, I didn't! But I was being extra careful, so props to me for realizing my weaknesses!

So while not falling this weekend, Hannah and I went to the casino and while I was off obtaining drinks, not really taking the Black Jack seriously, my new friend, whose name remains unknown, was betting the fortune thing on my behalf, and low and behold, when I got back, he said "We won!" and I was kind of distracted, so I said "great" half-heartedly until he pointed at the chips....we won like $250 or something!!! Of course we split it, but I was soooo excited! This probably would not have happened if I'd stayed at the table.

Anyway, I realized I'm in love with my new friend and I don't even know his name! Guess I have to go back to the casino!

Could the tides be turning for me? Perhaps?

I know...

2007-08-02T15:47:00.000-05:00

Instead of finding my calling, I think I'll devote all of my free time to winning contests! Seriously, if I were to enter every contest I was offered, A. by the law of odds, I should win something, B. it would take up a lot of my free time.

Current contests I'm involved in include Subway Scrabble, Coke Rewards, and well...that's it for now. I'm sure BK or McD will have one soon. There's always something on the Internet.

Can't hurt!!

FYI, no new serious injuries to report and all of my pre-existing injuries have pretty much healed! I'm due, so I'm sure it won't be long until y'all can laugh at my misfortune :)

I should probably get my shit together

2007-08-01T12:47:00.000-05:00

So today I was reading an old People magazine with some interesting info:
1) That Harry Potter boy has already made like 32 mil and he's just 21.
2) Charlie Sheen's fiance (a "real estate investor") is 29. BTW, Charlie Sheen is 41, kind of gross, just 'cause it's Charlie Sheen.
3) There is a book...can't remember the details...and the author is 29.

And other things I've discovered recently:
4) My friend Mere has a job where she could travel to Argentina, she's 29.
5) Pretty much all my friends are REALLY successful in their own right.

So what's my problem? How come I can't get my shit together?

I try to remember what I used to dream of doing, being a lawyer, an event planner...then I stall (except for wanting to be an astronaut, not very realistic). When did I stop dreaming? Probably when I got hit with the big fly swatter that is reality. I know being a single mom seems like an excuse, but it is my reality. Which means law school is 10x more difficult (yes I know it can be done, but I don't feel like it), and event planning requires a lot of weekends, which is kind of "our" time. So what's a girl to do? I think about writing, fiction, nonfiction, you name it....but no computer (not the worlds biggest obstacle, one I can perhaps overcome).

That being said....I'm 29. I should get my shit figured out. Apparently, it's not going to happen magically, as I had hoped. Any suggestions?

While not getting injured last night...

2007-07-25T09:24:00.001-05:00

I spent the evening catching up on TV that I missed while on vacay. Meaning, Kathy Griffin, Bridezillas, Katie and Peter, and Flip This House (A&E version). These shows take me for a dummy. Before the commercial, they have a "Coming up on Katie and Peter" segment that lasts anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute (depending on the show) as if we can't wait the 1 1/2-3 minutes (depending on the show) to see what these crazy people will do. I, for one, know they are just using this as filler. I mean seriously, for these type of faux-reality shows, they shoot an s-load of footage. Do they really need to pad the show? I like the "Next time on Bridezillas" because I do need a preview, I can't wait another week without a glimpse, but really, I can wait for the commercial break (which I fast forward through anyway--TiVO!).

I'm probably just crazy.

Things that happen to me...and not you

2007-07-24T13:49:00.000-05:00

I like to think of myself as a keen observer, hence the title of my blog. As I'll probably find out, I'm just like the rest of you, which in a way makes me sad, but relieved!

My venture into blogging, at the suggestion of my girlfriends, is to chronicle my clumsy life. In the past two weeks, I have suffered three totally embarrassing falls. I've been told that no adult falls as much as I do....only three-year-olds. I've also had my knees likened to a two-year-old's. It makes a girl feel good, to be compared to toddlers (as opposed to very old people who fall) so I'll go with that!

FALL NO. 1
Location: Right outside the exit doors of Toys-R-Us, Waterloo, IA
Situation: High heels, dress, little trip and boom, I went down and I took my poor little six-year-old with me. Most moms would not grab on to their 50 lb child to stabilize them, most moms would do all they could to not bring their child down with them...not me! Fortunately, he didn't get hurt, but I did. Fortunately, our T-R-U is not that busy. Anyone within eye shot would have gotten more than an eye full of my "wobbly bits" as Bridget Jones would call them! I had to go to my parents' to have them do the peroxide and everything because it hurt soooo bad. I basically skinned my entire upper calf. I had to ice it and put salve on it for the next few days. It's been healing somewhat well, until....

Fall No. 2
Location: Lake of the Ozarks---middle of the lake
Situation: I was recently on vacation with my gf's and we were boating. I was in "When in, do as" mode and thought I'd love to try tubing. So they tell me to jump in the water, then get in the tube. Well the tube is like, 3 feet tall and impossible for me to climb in to. So, I need to get back in to the boat. Well there is a little ladder on the boat, and my question was "Is there supposed to be one step?" To which the reply was, "Yep!" This little ladder is pretty much at the level of the boat. So my two gf's are trying to pull me out of the water, bless their hearts, and after about the fifth time of me falling back in because I couldn't get any footing, my friend decides to jump in. "Oh, the ladder isn't down!" Well that makes sense, now doesn't it! When the ladder came down, I was able to climb in, without incident! But I re-injured the above mentioned skinned calf.

Fall No. 3
Location: Lake of the Ozarks---on land
Situation: Nothing too much here, just being a dumb ass, walking down stairs and boom (or slap, which is what it apparently sounded like). New injuries include a possible twisted ankle (healing nicely), a swollen "undernose" (which I thought made me look like a Who from Grinch) and several scrapes and scratches. Another casualty of this fall, my sunglasses!

Hopefully there will be nothing new to report and I will just be able to impress you with the things I observe....probably not.